Between You and My Other Ex Boyfriend

between you and my other ex-boyfriend
I've had enough, I’ve had it up
to my ears and in my head
all I’ve wanted – and all I’ve said
I want it to end

I want something more in our life
 something to take off 
   the feelings behind the knife
of you and the rest 
   slicing my life

I want a hand at a chance
 an attempt to try and advance
but the hole I am digging
  I just keep digging deeper

and you know what?
  it’s not all my fault
and it’s not too much
 of your fault either

to find the source,
 you need to go back 
   to my other ex boyfriend

and tell him

 tell him what he’s done to me
    he already knows
 but it never mattered to him then
    it won't matter enough again

even though he never hit me 
I still feel battered,
   my life torn and tattered 
      my life has been shattered

and even now, much later
   and this life had been mended
it’s still obvious 
 what I’ve done can’t be defended

shit maybe I could have just pretended 
 and then this life wouldn’t be 
   so relentlessly
waiting for something just once 
  to come effortlessly

without pain and shame and disdain 
 no matter what you call it
it all still hurts the same
and it keeps eating at you
 and you wonder 
over and over 
will this show ever be over
can’t I fast forward
 through all the bullshit 
I see everyday 
  still trying 
    to annoy the fuck out of me

okay, so you’ve got a lot of problems in your life
 a lot a bullshit like an ex boyfriend who gave you up for a drug addicted wife
and yes I know 
  it’s not what you want and
    it’s not how you’ll always be
but there has to be a way 
to get out of the mess 
a little more realistically

it always has to be your way
  never what i say
so maybe like him
you should go away.

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