Song to My Broom

I Sing to the Broom When You’re Not Home

 Life is fucked up
When it's not great,
Just a Jamaican mocha milkshake

Ya making me crazy,
   ya making me shameless
I'm not ashamed to be afraid...
But I'm marching down the street
In your ankle bracelet parade...

Oooh, look now, Here comes the float!

But if you're a fish you better swim
Cause the only fish that 
are the dead ones

Damn, that's heavy
{like Sweet cream}
Sinking to the bottom,
Milk your way into the
Breathless, how
we're bonded...
Atoms bouncing down the stairs

Spiral staircase outside
   the water tower,
Take a shower... drip it off into
   your watering can,
Tipping over past the tulips
   just to douse her
Don't arouse her,
Let the beast sleep.

When she wakes up,
    you'll be crying for weeks,
asking for her to show some mercy
   while you shiver between her teeth...
And she'll chew you up and spit you out
And say you're not good enough
    for her to eat

We haven't cried in days,
That's an accomplishment.
   but more like a bitch gone crazy.

I sing to my broom,
"You are the only one
  I can do this to.
Let me beat you against the floor
  when I can't take this mess of my
  life anymore.
I'll mop up the piss,
With the straws of your hairs."

Thank god you're just a broom,
and I'm just practicing metaphors in my living room,
or else they'd probably be raising some
suspicions here...

I'm not afraid to be
As long as I'm safe in the house
With no one else
Looking in on me
Not understanding
What it's like to be insane
It's rather perfectly perfect
in a world engulfed in flames.

Welcome to hell!
I'm so glad you're here.
I was lonely all by myself in heaven
With nobody to talk to up there.

We bring these gifts to you,
A smile twisted in between the twines
Of the fork
That was left on the floor.

Thank God for this broom!
I can reach new heights
I never knew before!
Dusting down the spider webs,
I smashed a spider today
as I hammered nails
Into my loom
   and I sang a happy song
Sweeping up the mess
  All afternoon
Just a dopey sneezy little elf
Happy by myself
But wondering if maybe
Someone else not crazy
Would find my life
Entertaining on the TV.

Why, I love to perform
When nobody is watching me
Who do ya want me to be today?
Give me 5 minutes I'll
Be anyone you want me to.

Fire up the cylinders!
I'll pretend to be a race car driver
In the living room.

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